I’m going to have to remember to look a little deeper for a title to this episode of Empire Builders. Failing that, I’m afraid the current topic listed for the story won’t do, either. More on that little detail in a moment.
I have the continuity for this broadcast, but little else. I do have a very brief blurb about the story that was published in the Great Northern Railway’s Goat magazine. It was reported that this story was written by an employee of the GN’s office of the Auditor of Freight Receipts, Mark C. Haywood. Another source attributes Harold Sims and Donald Ashton as authors. Perhaps they acted more as consultants or editors. In any event, the main theme of this night’s Empire Builders offering was purported to be a representation of the GN’s famous Silk Trains. They were a high-priority express operation designed to transport raw silk from China to the clothing manufacturing industry in New York. These shipments were very high value, and they were perishable. Speed was absolutely of the essence.
Here’s the brief write-up about the program found in the May, 1930, issue of the GN Goat:
The first program of the concluding group will be replete with circus atmosphere and the action will carry it to a thrilling conclusion on a circus train, when the tiger cage breaks loose from its moorings on a flat car. The author is Mark C. Haywood, a Great Northern employee in the office of the Auditor of Freight Receipts.
Despite the write-up, there were in fact no tigers in this story. Sorry, tiger lovers. The prominent animals were in fact lions. Oh well. Turns out the story has nothing to do with silk trains, either.
The story began with the Old Timer chatting with a young lady on the grounds of a circus. They exchanged opinions about the fun and sense of youthful rejuvenation provided by a good ol’ fashioned circus. The unnamed girl commented about the Old Timer acting so youthful she thought he might just duck under a tent cover to watch the show. As he was mulling over the idea, the girl realized they were running short on time to return to their train.
GIRL: Don’t forget our train, Old Timer.
OLD T: Well bless me, if I didn’t almost plum forget about that train! Well, I guess we better be moving along then. Time, tide, and the Empire Builder wait for no man.
(MUSIC UP AND FADES)
OLD T: Well, here we are at the station – made it with plenty of time to spare.
GIRL: Look, Old Timer! They’re loading some of those circus wagons on the cars. I haven’t seen them do that since I was a youngster in braids.
OLD T: Yep! Don’t lose much time with a circus. I reckon that’s the horse tents and cook wagons they’re loading.
GIRL: Let’s sit out on the observation car and watch them until the train leaves.
Who can pass up an opportunity to watch circus crews load equipment and exotic animals? And all while sitting comfortably on the platform of the Empire Builder’s observation car. When the show’s over, you’d just duck inside and relax in the warm and cushy ambiance of the observation car. On the other hand, if you were in the company of the Old Timer, you’d be more likely to simply remain out on the platform while the Old Timer regaled you with another offering from his plethora of tantalizing tales of the olden days.
OLD T: Anything you say. There seems to be more than one grown up infant in this party! (CHUCKLES) Every time I see a circus train it always reminds me of a young chap out in Montana named Dan McLeod. (NOISE OF MOVING TRAIN) You see, a circus train played a part in making Dan one of the richest men in that state. I’ve known Dan since he was a kid in knee breeches – wild as a March hare and didn’t change much as he grew older. It all happened soon after Dan returned from the war.
(OFF APPLAUSE) (MUSIC CONTINUES SOFTLY)
GOLDIE: Crowd rather cold tonight, aren’t they, Uncle Jim?
JIM: (ANGRILY) Cold? Why shouldn’t they be cold to the biggest flop on the program? You’re terrible! Let me tell you something, Goldie! You’re billed with this show as an animal trainer, not as the Statue of Liberty!
GOLDIE: Well, what did I do?
JIM: What did you do? Nothing! That’s just the trouble with your act, you don’t do anything. The minute you get into that cage with those beasts you’re as timid as a country girl at a church social.
GOLDIE: What do you want me to do? I can’t take too many chances. I’ve only had the act two years.
Here we’re introduced to Goldie Creson, whose father George was in the circus with his brother Jim. Before Goldie’s father passed away, he asked Jim to look after his daughter, and to ensure she continued working in the family’s circus. Sadly, Goldie didn’t have quite the demeanor to continue as a lion tamer, and her Uncle Jim was a demanding and abusive man. To cross him meant the potential for a rather nasty reaction. Still, Goldie felt compelled to admit she had flat out lost her nerve, and too fearful of the lions to continue with the act. She wanted out.
JIM: (ANGRILY) I said you were yellow, didn’t I? Now you want to quit! (SARCASTICALLY) Mademoiselle Creson will now enter the cage with ten of the most ferocious beasts of the jungle. Funny, isn’t it, a daughter of George Creson doing the baby act and crying for help – wants to quit!
GOLDIE: I don’t care what you think of me. I’m through and I mean it this time.
JIM: Through, are you? Well you’re not anything of the kind! You’re going on, and you’re going to keep going on until I tell you you’re through. Do you understand? And if you mention quit to me again, I’ll slap your ears back! Do you get me?
GOLDIE: All right, beat me up if it will make you feel any better! It won’t be the first time you’ve done it, but it won’t change my mind when it comes to quitting.
JIM: (ANGRILY) You won’t quit! You’ll do as you’re told, or I’ll know the reason why! When your father died he put you in my care, and his last request was that I keep you in the show, and give you every chance to uphold the name of Creson. I’ve kept my part of the bargain, and I’m going to see that you keep yours. Now get out of my sight before I lose my temper! I’ll see you down at the train. Yes, and another thing! I don’t want to catch you hanging around that loading crew. Keep away from that fellow Whitey and the rest of those rough necks before you get to be common talk for every “razor back” and flunkey in the outfit.
Goldie let on that her interest in Whitey was a sympathetic concern for him; she said it seemed he was in poor health and would probably expire while struggling along with the circus. Uncle Jim sent Goldie off, and the scene shifted to a railyard and a conversation between Whitey and a fellow roustabout named Speck.
Whitey and Speck had already loaded the cook tent and the animals. At this point they were waiting for more wagons of gear and tent equipment to arrive from the site of the recently closed circus. It was their job to load the wagons onto flatcars that were to make up the circus train and move the whole production to the next location. The two commiserated about the rotten conditions in which they found themselves: late at night (with the prospect of having to keep working until at least 1 a.m.) and in chilly temperatures. It reminds me of a classic scene in the Mel Brooks movie, “Young Frankenstein”: Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman were digging up a coffin in a graveyard when Wilder’s character remarked “What a filthy job!” Feldman replied, “Could be worse.” Wilder asked incredulously “How??” Feldman said: “Could be raining.” And so, both in the Young Frankenstein scene and in our story of circus roustabouts, guess what? The pouring rain began.
The two men set about stoking a fire barrel for warmth and cooked a pot of coffee while they awaited the arrival of the next teams of circus wagons. The men poured themselves a cup of java just as another Great Northern passenger train came rolling through the yard, and then more teams of circus equipment appeared as well.
SPECK: Look at that old baby roll along! I’ll ride you some day back to home and Mama. Give me a lump of that sugar.
WHITEY: Here comes a couple of stake wagons! On your feet, boy!
SPECK: Sure, they couldn’t wait until I got through with this hot cup of “Java”. When I get back it will be rain water.
(NOISE OF WAGON HORSES. WHIPPLE TREE CHAINS)
BOSS: All right! Swing her around! Now go ahead with her!
(NOISE OF WHIPPLE TREE AND CHAINS)
All right! Take her away!
 |
| Don't know about you, but the term "whipple tree" went right over my head until I found this image of one. Now I get it. Part of the gear they use to handle a team of draft horses, like, for pulling circus wagons and such. |
Speck reached for his cup of coffee, and it was missing. That’s when Dan McLeod made his appearance.
SPECK: Where is my Java? I put it down here on the box.
DAN: I have it. Do you want it?
SPECK: Well stranger, where in blazes did you come from? Do you belong to this rotten outfit? What’s the big idea taking that coffee?
WHITEY: Wait a minute, Speck! Give the guy a break. He’s all beat up, got a shiner and everything. Give us the low down, Buddy. Who are you? Are you a trouper or just a native?
DAN: (WEAKLY) My name is McLeod. I’m broke, and trying to make it to Glasgow. I was held up and robbed last night. I guess they beat me up a little too. Didn’t have a chance.
WHITEY: They didn’t do bad at all.
DAN: Well, I guess I feel as tough as I look. Being broke, hungry and dirty all at the same time doesn’t make a fellow feel like doing a Spring Dance. Came down here in the yards … that’s how I got stuck up – lost every dime.
SPECK: Boy, they sure been treating you rough.
BOSS: Here you men, get out of here! You are riding out on the menagerie train – we got enough men to handle the big top. Now get into your bunks – we’re moving out pronto, so take the lead out of your shoes and make it snappy.
Speck asked the Boss where the next circus site was, and learned that it was to be Glasgow, Montana. Dan McLeod perked up at this news, and the wheels began turning.
DAN: Glasgow – I wonder if –
SPECK: A lift – not much chance – they check pretty close. Sorry, buddy.
WHITEY: Come on with me, I’ll take a chance. I don’t sleep in the bunk car, it’s bad for my cough. My bed is under that hippo cage on that flat car – the cage is low, the rain won’t hit you. All right, climb on – get under –
Whitey’s generous offer to Dan was interrupted just then as Goldie came running up, out of breath and in a fearful rush.
GOLDIE: Whitey! Whitey! Quick, get on the car! Uncle Jim! He’s on the war path! He’s been drinking – drove me out of the car because I told him I was going to jump the show – He thinks you influenced me to give it up! Please go, Whitey! Please!
SPECK: You’ll excuse me gents. I don’t want to be
above ground when that bozo has liquor under his belt. I’m digging in. So long, I’ll see you later. Better come along, Whitey.
WHITEY: No, I’m staying right here. I’m not doing a fade-out for a skunk. I’ll take it, but not on the run.
And so the bozo appeared, and the sparks began to fly.
JIM: Well, I thought I’d find you here – hanging on the neck of this little gutter snipe. What a fine mess you’ve turned out to be, after all I’ve done for you, trying to give you a chance to amount to something. Gratitude, isn’t it, you little –
WHITEY: You lay off, do you hear! I’m not afraid of you, your authority or your size. You’re just a big bluff – a false alarm!
JIM: You little rat! I told you to stay away from her, didn’t I? Trying to string this kid along with that back alley Romeo stuff of yours. A smart Alec! Every girl is the same with you.
Jim produced a horse whip, which he began to crack and threatened to give Whitey a whipping with. Goldie bravely demanded that Jim back down. She took full responsibility for the situation, and begged Jim not to beat poor, unhealthy Whitey. The drama intensified to a fever pitch as Dan stood with Whitey against Jim the bozo.
DAN: Just a minute, Simon Legree! You’re not going to cut anybody with that whip.
JIM: No, and who are you?
DAN: What difference does that make, so long as you heard me? I wouldn’t get too handy with that whip if I were you – you’re in Montana now and everybody drives their own mules out in this country. Somebody might take a notion to drive you single. Give me that whip!
JIM: I’ll give it to you! (CRACK OF WHIP) Yes, I’ll give it to you! (CRACK OF WHIP) Let go that arm!
DAN: Drop it! Drop it!
JIM: My Lord man, my arm! You’re breaking it! Oh! -------
Turns out Dan was not one to be bullied. Jim was trifling with the wrong hombre. Lucky for Jim, though, Dan was not only sober, he was even-handed and only meant to control the unwarranted violence.
DAN: Drop it, or I will break it. Bold bad man, eh! You’re as yellow as a barrel of grape fruit. Get up, you snake! You haven’t the backbone of a rabbit.
JIM: I’ll get you for this, and I’ll get you good. Don’t forget it!
DAN: All right, long ears, hit for your corral. I’m going to dust you off. (NOISE SEVERAL CRACKS OF WHIP) Now – double-time it back to your car. Go on, make it snappy!
Jim was run off, but not before threatening to return with a gun and fill Dan with holes. Dan dismissed the blowhard as the others realized the circus train was pulling out. Whitey shouted for Goldie to jump aboard her coach car, while he and Dan climbed onto the menagerie car where there were bunks for the roustabouts, not far from the circus animals. Goldie cried out that the train was already moving too fast – she was unable to board her coach. Whitey helped her aboard the menagerie car, and told her “climb on this flat car with us, but remember, you get off at the first stop and go back to your own car!”
Goldie curled up against the wheels of the next cage down, while Whitey and Dan reclined as comfortably as possible near a lion’s cage. One of the lions let out a roar, and a startled Dan asked what the noise was.
WHITEY: Oh, just that big cat in the cage next to us. There’s a pair of lions in that cage.
DAN: You mean this cage right next to my head?
WHITEY: Sure! The first cage. Only a few feet separate you from two of the meanest cats in the show – about 800 pounds of roaring Hades. Of course, every time he roars doesn’t mean he’s coming over to lick your face. What do you say we go to sleep?
(NOISE OF THUNDER) (NOISE OF ROARING LION)
WHITEY: The big boy is kind of restless tonight – doesn’t like that thunder – can’t say that I care much for it myself when you got to roll out at five in the morning.
Whitey and Dan chatted for a minute over a cigarette, when Whitey suddenly noticed a decidedly unfortunate development.
WHITEY: My Lord! Look at that lion cage! The wheels aren’t blocked! Rolling back and forth, like she’s on the pavement! That’s what made those cats roar! They can smell danger a mile away. Get on your feet, boy! We’ve got to block those wheels!
DAN: The way she’s rolling now, she’ll crash on this hippo cage and if she goes off towards the side, she’ll crash on the first thing we meet!
WHITEY: Yes, and if we’re not killed in the smash up, those cats will tear us to pieces! Lousy outfit – this circus equipment is just a lot of junk! She’s just about six inches from the end of the car – When that hog-head throws on the brakes he’ll throw her back head-on into this hippo cage! If she breaks the doors on that lion cage, there’ll be good night popping all round us!
Dan quickly sized up the situation, and realized he ought to try to crawl under the animal wagons and across the cars to reach the locomotive and alert the engineer to slow to an easy stop. Whitey talked him out of that idea as being far too risky. Then Dan asked Whitey if there was any waste available. At first, Whitey didn’t take his meaning, but then Dan explained that he needed some of the woolly material used to pack the journal boxes on the rail car axles to keep them lubricated with oil. Whitey told Dan where he might find some, in a tool box under the seat of the animal wagon. While Dan clambered after the waste material, Whitey rousted Goldie to warn her of their predicament.
Dan’s idea was to wrap some of the waste material around a stick they came up with, slap some grease on it from one of the circus wagon axles, and light it up like a signal torch. Dan planned to alert the agent at the next station they passed on the rail line. Goldie offered to help in some way, but Dan and Whitey told her to just stand back out of harm’s way – the lion cage wagon was swaying back and forth now with the movement of the train cars, and was threatening to slam into the hippo cage wagon at any moment.
The signal worked and the depot agent threw the next semaphore to a red stop indication. Unfortunately, rather than an nice gentle stop that might have averted a catastrophe, Dan and Whitey realized the engineer would much more likely throw the train into an emergency stop, and the lion cage would still crash into the hippo cage. Oh. The humanity. The sound effects team must have practiced all week in preparation for this moment.
WHITEY: Quick, Goldie! Get to the other end! She’s sure to crash against the hippo cage when he throws on the air!
DAN: On your toes everybody! He’s giving her the air! Look out!
(NOISE OF BRAKES) (AIR) (CRASH OF CAGES MEETING)
One can only imagine the horrible demise surely in store for our intrepid little trio. The two big lions, Countess and Major, were not expected to remain in their cage any longer. There was little doubt that what came next was bound to be dangerous, if not deadly.
GOLDIE: The lion cage! It smashed the doors! Whitey, don’t go that way! Come back!
(ROAR OF LION)
DAN: They’ll get him! He should have gone out this end of the car!
GOLDIE: Give me that whip! (ROAR OF LION) I’m going to use it this time!
WHITEY: Goldie! Dan! Oh! (GROANING)
GOLDIE: They got him! Dan! Come here quick! (CRACKS WHIP) Get Whitey out of the way! That cat struck him on the shoulder as he passed – almost ripped the coat off his back – he’s pretty badly cut – those claws are like a razor. (CRACKS WHIP) Countess! Major! (CRACKS WHIP) (ROAR OF LION) Get back you!
Goldie went into full-on lion tamer mode, completely forgetting her fears and rushing straight into the gaping jaws of ferocious danger.
DAN: Come away, girl, before they tear you to pieces!
GOLDIE: I’ll keep them in the cage, and you watch your chance and throw that door back in place!! It’s just hanging by a hinge. (CRACKS WHIP) (ROAR OF LION) Get back, Countess! Major! (CRACKS WHIP) (ROAR OF LION) Now! Quick! Throw it in place! (CRACKS WHIP) (ROAR OF LION) Look out Dan! Watch those paws! They strike as quick as lightning.
DAN: (NOISE OF PLACING DOOR) I’ve got it!
GOLDIE: Now you beat it over to the depot and get an ambulance as quick as you can. We’ve got to get Whitey to the hospital. I’ll hold the door. Here come some of the boys now.
DAN: Goldie, you’ve sure got nerve! All there is in the world.
(MUSIC UP AND FADES)
Goldie went to the hospital a couple days later to look in on Whitey. The doctor gave her the rundown – just a few cuts that should heal nicely. Doc said it was lucky he was wearing a leather jacket – no doubt saved him from more serious injury. Dan showed up just as Goldie and the doctor were finishing their conversation. Whitey had been sleeping most of the past couple of days, but now he roused himself to participate in the chatter.
DAN: How you making it, Whitey, old boy?
WHITEY: Fine, Dan. It’s worth being laid up just to get a clean bed and good chow. I’m going to miss this place when I leave.
Whitey let on that he had had his fill of the circus. He wasn’t going back.
DAN: Then you mean, you’re jumping the show?
WHITEY: Absolutely – “For ever and a day”!
DAN: That’s good! Now listen to me – I’m going home to Great Falls for a few days – leaving tonight on the Empire Builder. While I’m home, I’m going to line you up for a job on a ranch out near Shelby. Will you take it?
WHITEY: Will I take it? I haven’t rode a horse since I was in the army, but it won’t take me long – once I get out there.
GOLDIE: Gee, Whitey! That sounds good … Montana climate – just the thing for your cough, too.
DAN: Well my Dad and old man Bremen own one of the biggest ranches in this state. All I have to do is say the word and you’re hired.
Whitey’s curiosity finally got the better of him, and he asked what sort of racket Dan was into. Dan said he had just been coming back from a construction job in Minot. He was a college student and football player at Gonzaga College in Spokane, and he took physical, outdoor jobs in the summer to toughen up and condition for the fall football season. Dan was about to turn and head out the door, until Goldie stopped him.
WHITEY: What are you going to do now – drive spikes on a railroad?
DAN: No, I’m going with you to that ranch out near Shelby. I’m leaving now. So long Whitey.
GOLDIE: Aren’t you going to say goodbye, to me, Dan?
DAN: Not unless you tell me I have to.
GOLDIE: What do you mean?
DAN: Because I want you to come with me, too.
GOLDIE: But, how can I?
DAN: I love you, Goldie. I want you to come with me as my wife.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I had the distinct impression that Goldie was sweet on Whitey. Did I miss something here?
GOLDIE: Oh! Well, if you feel that way about it – I guess I’ll have to come.
WHITEY: Can you tie that? Tell me she can’t tame lions!
(MUSIC IN FOR TRANSITION AND FADE)
Well, there they go again. The writers for the Empire Builders series worked up another peculiar and exceptionally unlikely romance with nothing but fickle and/or impulsive lovers to unite. Also true to form, the writers brought back the Old Timer to wrap things up for the evening.
OLD T: Well those two boys went out on a ranch and they’ve been together ever since. Took over a small ranch of their own and kept expanding. They’re two of the richest cattle men in Montana today.
GIRL: And Dan and Goldie were married and lived happy ever after?
OLD T: Married? Bless my stars I’ll say they are married with two of the finest youngsters you ever laid eyes on. Well, Miss, if it isn’t 8 o’clock! I think I’ll just step in and read the paper, and then turn in for a good night’s rest. This Empire Builder will be carrying us through some mighty beautiful scenery in the next 24 hours, and I don’t aim to miss any of it!
GIRL: And I don’t either! Thank you for the story, Old Timer.
OLD T: You sure are welcome! Goodnight Miss.
GIRL: Good night.
OLD T: (OFF) Goodnight!
(MUSIC IN AND FADE FOR CLOSING ANNOUNCEMENT)
And so for now, it is goodnight, or at least farewell.
Until next week, keep your dial tuned to Empire Builders!
